What is self love?

Firstly let’s look at some positive ‘self’ words.


The above list doesn’t need defining. We all know what they mean, but do we have these qualities? Maybe we have a certain degree of all of these but we probably could do with a higher level of all of these.

I could actually sum the whole list up by saying: Really they all stem from the number one ‘self’… self-love

People often want others to love them without putting the effort into ‘their self’. Why? Because they don’t love themselves. Is this not self-ish? Funny, because one reason we don’t have self-love is because we are told not to have too much self-love or we will be called selfish and self-indulgent or our ego will be too big and no one will want to know us. Funny twist! Self–love doesn’t mean that we have a big ego or are self centered; it just means we have a good strong measure of the ‘self’ words above, especially self-respect.

Many people, especially women, tend to put the care of others before themselves, but you cannot keep giving to others if you don’t give to yourself.

You cannot love another more than you love yourself. So if you lack self-love you cannot expect to be loved by another. You might say that there are plenty of people who are in a relationship that lack a degree of self-love and they seem to be doing OK. Well, you will find that either they do have some self-love and that is met with an equal amount of self-love from their partner, or one of them if not both are unhappy with the relationship but don’t know what to do about it at the moment.

So what qualities does a person have that is self-loving, soulful and connected?

Truth, Calm, Fiery, Cheeky, Fun, Exciting, Interesting, Gentle, Playful, Genuine, Listens, Content, Joyful, Harmonious, Healthy, Energetic, Free, Vital,  Connected, Centered, Knowing.

So the next question then would be:

How do we develop more self-love?
The first step to changing anything is to be aware of it. We must be honest about how we treat ourselves.

For example:
How do you talk to yourself?
Are you confident?
Do you speak kindly to yourself?
Are you secure and peaceful in most situations?
Do you like the way you look, act, are?

If you are like most of us, you think you could lose some weight, have better skin, and have a more exciting life and a smaller, or bigger ‘something’.

We pick at ourselves. We think that everyone else is happy with the way he or she is. We think that security is something other people have, and we are the ones who missed out. Most people judge themselves harshly, and struggle with the concept of self-love.

The good news is that once we become aware of the way we treat ourselves, we can change it. The most worthwhile goal you can ever set for yourself is one of self-love and self-acceptance. Once we begin to strive for self-acceptance and realise that we are supposed to accept ourselves, our lives will begin to change for the better.

How else can we develop more self-love?

• Choose the words you say to yourself
• Don’t label yourself
• Don’t give away your energy, and don’t let others drain you.
• Give time to yourself, don’t always put others needs before yours
• Connect to the truth of who you really are – your essence, by the ‘Gentle Breath Meditation (taught at a ‘Life Force Retreat’)
• Listen to your inner-self with everything you do, say and feel
• Self-nurture e.g. warm bath with incense, candles; self massage with coconut oil or body lotion, especially the breasts – gentle strokes.
• Be in the gentle breath always, not just in meditation – by choosing the gentle breath you will always know your truth. Develop and practice clairsentience (clear feelings).
• Be ‘gentle’ with your-self and recognise the gentleness in others.
• Observe and respond rather than absorb and react.
• Do not put others needs before yours
• Speak your truth – with ‘gentleness’ and ‘connection’
• Learn how to say NO when appropriate.
• Do not be around someone that is on their 3rd. drink – imposing energy
• Do not be in the presence of imposing energies any longer than necessary.
• Do not give away your ‘Life Force’
• Do things to build your ‘Life Force’ – Warm love, such as: Nurturing, massage, friendships, family, connecting with nature or animals, flowers, music, dancing, spa, relaxation, kisses, hugs, creativity, gardening, facials, fishing, projects, travel, movies, reading, picnics, eating healthy living foods, gentle exercise such as bike riding, swimming, walking – the key is to do it in self-love not momentum – do it as a pleasure not as an exercise to ‘get fit’ or lose weight.
• The body is truth, so reading your body and observing the truth is important
• If we don’t live by what we know to be our truth, then this is harmful to us and drains our energy (lifeforce).
• The truth of the work is in its ‘Livingness’
• Identify where any emptiness (anger, frustration etc.) comes from, then recognise the truth behind it and then move forward with ‘gentleness’. 
• Be honest with yourself e.g. nominate what is behind you
• Slowly reclaim your self by recognising when you are not ‘breathing’ for yourself.
• Ask yourself in ‘gentle breathe’ what has been stopping me from going forward?
• Justice is to bring yourself back to your truth.
• Feel what to eat – not eat what you feel. Are your desires of particular foods coming from cravings, the spirit, or the soul?
• Stand in freedom, where there is no need to climb Mt. Everest etc
By loving yourself truly you wouldn’t treat yourself badly, you would respect yourself, your mind, your body and what you put into it.

Lack of self-love = self abuse = disappointment with self = self abuse – therefore a downward spiral.

Self-love is not something that someone can give you e.g. praise, compliments etc. self love is a quality that you give to yourself. You have to develop and practice self-love.

Self-love is the greatest healer mankind can have and give!

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